Being Honest.

[RookieGuy80]

It seems some are conflating being honest with being a d***. Be honest but don't use that as an excuse to hurt someone else. Staying silent is an option surprisingly enough.

100%. That was my whole point earlier. Dude's kid isn't ugly, she's as cute as she can be. Still honest, that kid ain't getting cuter. Dude's wife looks like she was kicked in the face by three horses for 20 minutes each. But we tell him she's beautiful but not our type.

At the same time, the thickness of skin has dropped precipicely. Once upon a time we could recognize statements for what they were. "I don't like that dress" didn't used to be an attack on the person wearing it. So there's that to deal with, and sometimes a little white lie is the better option.

 

[Gimlet]

At the same time, the thickness of skin has dropped precipicely. Once upon a time we could recognize statements for what they were. "I don't like that dress" didn't used to be an attack on the person wearing it. So there's that to deal with, and sometimes a little white lie is the better option.

Indeed. The willingness to take offence at the most trifling slight, to play the victim, the special pleading, the demands for rights and respect are all as pernicious as outright rudeness and abuse. Identity politics and the entitlement culture has turned adults into children. And encouraged children to think they are adults.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Being offended by any slight offence is not new. I remember big jerks, 1970's till now... getting in people's faces for nothing, "what did you say?" Too assert jerkish dominance and to start fights. It's not that different to me. Jerks are jerks.

 

[Briar Lee]

Once upon a time I was headed to the local Masonic lodge to serve as an outside security guard for a group of Rainbow Girls inside from two am to morning.

Don’t tell me there’s no higher power.

I’d driven the route countless times yet missed the turn, and turned the next block. It was January and I saw a lit up Christmas tree in the lower right of a two story house by the roadside. I thought that was odd, and while I watched I realized there was a fire engulfing the tree.

I stopped, and got out. The house was dark. You can get shot easy trying to go inside somebody’s house so I stood in the street and yelled

WAKE UP

YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE

WAKE UP

And a light turned on in the upper left side of the house,,,and three children,,,a little girl, a little boy a bit bigger, and a teenage boy all came out the door.

The teenage boy wanted to go back god his shoes and I yelled there’s nothing in there worth dying for.

If you ever watch a house afire you’ll realize why that’s an old expression.

Then a little car pulled up on the grass, and a young woman dressed to impress with liquor on her breath got our and said

Oh my God, you’ve saved my children!

I said lady get those kids in that car and go to the sheriff’s office and report this fire and send that oldest boy in to do it!

Fire trucks came. The house burned flat.

The next morning I was a lifesaving hero.

Here came the local television channels with cameras to record my heroism

As I stood there among the firefighters they were saying if that mother hadn’t left her kids alone to go party maybe the fire wouldn’t have happened.

I looked at them surprised and said I know that woman, and she’s a hard worker, and she’d had just got off from her shift in a factory. Besides she’d have been in time to save them, if I’d taken the right route.

They believed the hero of the day.

My mother watched me on the news and asked

Why did you lie, about that mother?

My answer was I had a good mother who taught me never to think only of myself.

 

[jpmcwjr]

Honestly, carry on, but leave out transgender comments as it's too volatile a subject for some.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I had a neighbor once that had a son with special needs about 20 years ago. That kid would shoot baskets in the driveway all day long. He was a redhead, about 4' 5" tall, and very limited vocabulary, and always wearing an Auburn bball jersey. All day, every day. After school, summer or winter.
I spoke with them when I moved in, and the kid was set that he was going to play basketball for Auburn. I was doubtful. I wasn't even sure if he could get into Auburn University.

I talked to his dad alone a few times, because I was concerned. His dad was all... if you work hard enough, you can do anything. Hmmmm... but can a 6' 250lb man be a jockey for the Kentucky Derby? Can a blind person fly commercial jets? (actually, I think they have).

The kid had watched that movie 'Rudy' about the kid who wanted to play for Notre Dame, and was all fired up that if he worked hard enough he could do whatever he wanted. It made me sick at my stomach to watch all the damned balls slam against the backboard and fly off into the shrubs, or his bricklaying slams against the backboard and flying off into the road. And, his eyesight was so bad that he had no sense of defence.
But, everyday... he was out there. His driveway was soaked in his sweat and blood.

I thought that feeding this illusion to him that anyone can be anything they want was cruel. Wouldn't it be easier to accept that the kid needs to find some other more possible dream than to waste this whole part of his life?

I talked to his dad about ten years later. He never got into AU, because he received a special diploma, because of his special needs. His dad had called the basketball coach at AU to see if maybe his son could at least shoot one free throw or just be a towel boy for the team, but.... no. And, then he had passed away from heart failure.

I'm torn about whether someone should have guided him towards something more obtainable, or keep encouraging the impossible. In the end, it doesn't really matter. We all face disappointments from time to time, but I can't imagine facing disappointment for the one and only dream you have. I did ask if his disappointment may have contributed to his early passing, but his dad didn't answer.

So, what the fuck is this "truth"?
Ugly is subjective. There has been a lot of really good research in aesthetics about how there is someone who will find whomever we deem the ugliest person attractive.

 

[sablebrush52]

Sometimes having a “great personality” is nothing more than that. A close friend introduced me to the woman who would become wife number one, describing her as having a “great personality”, which she does. He forgot to mention that she was incredibly beautiful and sexy, the kind of looks that, when we entered a room, had every man’s eyes following her while their companions were kicking them. It was kind of weird and she was oblivious to it.
The marriage eventually failed but our friendship goes on. She’s also one of the kindest, most generous souls I’ve ever met, and an honest to goodness genius on top of it, one hell of a lot smarter than me.
There are a lot of different ways to deal with a situation and how a person approaches that situation says more about that person than anything else.
Truth is objective as long as no humans are involved.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

This little maxim from Jordan Peterson has become very helpful to me in my daily life:

"Tell the truth, or at least don't lie."

Also, stop saying, "I'm sorry..." if you're not. Just say what you mean all the time and never say something you don't. It's harder than you think at first.

 

[Cloozoe]

All these posts are brilliant and insightful. Oops, there I go again.

 

[bobomatic]

Where is authenticity in society anymore? With social media driving world events, nothing is real.
Nothing is honest anymore. If it's not some influencer trying to impress while their private life desintigrates, or youtubers doing stupid stuff for clicks, to government social media accounts engaged in dishonest tactics to drive public opinion or get people fired or canceled for expressing honest opinions. We see people who know all the social media buzzwords protesting about something but have no clue what they're actually protesting.

I suppose this was always there but it's scaled up to a level that we never experienced growing up in the 60s and 70s. I try to live an authentic life. I don't have the patience for bulls@@@ anymore. To my friends and family, it sometimes comes off as aloof, but I've noticed I tend to isolate myself more and more to get away from it all... except for my kids. They understand where I'm at. I try not to take it too seriously, life is just one big game, but, anyway, my two cents.

 

[brian64]

I suppose this was always there but it's scaled up to a level that we never experienced growing up in the 60s and 70s.

Exactly. Technology has scaled everything in human experience up and caused the stakes to be much higher.

I try not to take it too seriously, life is just one big game

This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't problem. In my experience many of the same people who will insist that life is not just a game (and I agree with them btw) also often don't like it when you take it seriously. Just another anomaly of human nature.

PS: What prompted me to respond to your post is that I can really relate to everything you're saying. People tend to have normalcy bias and don't recognize how much things have changed and how extremely insane everything has become. And if you do notice it, you will need to invent a pair of "They Live" sunglasses for many people before they're going to see it as well.

 

[lraisch]

Tact, as it used to be called. A rare quality nowadays. And rarer still since society took to the internet. That tricky obstacle-strewn path between outright rudeness and well-meaning dishonesty that can do more harm than good, the ability to navigate adroitly between the two being the mark of an adult.

I have always felt that tact is the difference between saying "Darling, when I look at you time stands still" and "Honey, you got a face that could stop a clock".

 

[mso489]

There's a big difference between tact and dishonesty.

 

[anotherbob]

bullet, you have unleashed the anti woke brigade with a post about honesty. If you want my input on your OP then I would not suggest telling your niece she is ugly. There isn't anything to be gained from it. Your wife is right.

here is some truth to drop. Not all lies are equal. Not much to gain from telling the niece she's ugly. Better to tell her she needs to be interesting.

 

[kcghost]

I have no problems with people telling polite lies (Oh, you look lovely; I'm so sorry; those math problems are hard and others) that are meant to show understanding for the human condition. And as much as we would like to think we are intellectually superior to others it is rarely the case.

 

[Model 29]

at my age even the ugly girls look pretty to me...