Spotted...In The Wild!
- Thread starter TakeThisCobAndStuffIt
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I'd stop now. Not gonna get any better for you
I think your Starbucks is ready.
I guess another way to put it, is why is the onus on ome that doesn't want to be approached to always have to alter their behavior to prevent being approached, rather than those that want to be approached having to modify their behavior to invite being approached?
Like, why should I have to go out of my way to not stand out to avoid being approached? Or why is it acceptable to approach people just because they stand out, despite otherwise not projecting a desire to be approached? Any why should anyone just expect it when not projecting a desire to be approached, regardless of what they are or aren't doing?
Humans being a social animal doesn't explain that. Being a social animal doesn't mean being approached like that or socializing. Bees are social animals, of an even higher order of sociality than humans, but they don't go out of their way to chit chat with other bees just because their coat is a little different. Sociality and being a social animal is just about forming cooperative societies, does not imply "friendship" or any of that stuff.
Like, why should I have to go out of my way to not stand out to avoid being approached? Or why is it acceptable to approach people just because they stand out, despite otherwise not projecting a desire to be approached? Any why should anyone just expect it when not projecting a desire to be approached, regardless of what they are or aren't doing?
Humans being a social animal doesn't explain that. Being a social animal doesn't mean being approached like that or socializing. Bees are social animals, of an even higher order of sociality than humans, but they don't go out of their way to chit chat with other bees just because their coat is a little different. Sociality and being a social animal is just about forming cooperative societies, does not imply "friendship" or any of that stuff.
G
Gimlet
Guest
Blimey, I hadn't noticed til now how complicated it is being a human being. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong.
That time when you are about to respond to a negative post but remember this is pipesmagizine and not reddit then you go back and see the thread expand and your half written reply, erase it , and move on.
Basically you don't have to be an old grump to be a happy introvert as I've been one since I can remember.
And having a differing opinion isn't grandstanding but why point out the obvious? Because I'm a stickler for left open reply boxes. I wish the delete function was immediate without bothering a moderator.
grabs popcorn.
Basically you don't have to be an old grump to be a happy introvert as I've been one since I can remember.
And having a differing opinion isn't grandstanding but why point out the obvious? Because I'm a stickler for left open reply boxes. I wish the delete function was immediate without bothering a moderator.
grabs popcorn.
Three words. Social, asocial, antisocial.
of course a antisocial would not be on this forum. We on here boil down to the first two. On a town square forum there will be different opinions and points of view. Just because you are social you can't assume that everyone on here is and crying because we all don't wear the same social prison clothes makes no sense. People are people and we are all wonderfully different.
of course a antisocial would not be on this forum. We on here boil down to the first two. On a town square forum there will be different opinions and points of view. Just because you are social you can't assume that everyone on here is and crying because we all don't wear the same social prison clothes makes no sense. People are people and we are all wonderfully different.
G
Gimlet
Guest
I suspect that perceiving being a member of human society as a fraught and overly complicated business is apt to make it more so.
It seems to depend on a few factors the self importance, naivete, and cultural upbringing of the one approaching the stranger come to mind. I really slowed my roll the first time I was in NYC being a country boy from the Midwest I guess back then I thought people were rude then I went to Europe and realized nope they are just busy with their own lives and I'm just not that important, aw growing pains.
I enjoy that we are beating this to death, happily and with some humor. It's not pipes and tobacco but, human behavior which brings me back, nearly daily. I've not visited many sites over the years but, well ... this site simply blends civility, for the most part, with only rare acrimony when disagreeing. As Mr. Green might say, "Time wasted but, it's time well wasted."
The varying opinions, sometimes personal revelations, usual lack of venom, and such, make this a great place to waste one's free time. We are even known to invalidate the statement, "There are no stupid questions." And, I can be somewhat sociable without ever shaking hands.
Oh, and we all pay for our own drinks!
The varying opinions, sometimes personal revelations, usual lack of venom, and such, make this a great place to waste one's free time. We are even known to invalidate the statement, "There are no stupid questions." And, I can be somewhat sociable without ever shaking hands.
Oh, and we all pay for our own drinks!
That's pretty fairly true because its all about them ... the opposite of golden rule.
As a Metalhead, when I see someone wearing a cool band shirt, on many occasions, I'll make a comment to the person such as nice shirt, or that's a great album etc. Though Metalheads have a perception of being anti-social, evil, trouble-makers, etc., it's actually quite the opposite. I always get a nice response in return, and sometimes that turns into a nice few minute conversation.
I have a "battle jacket" and a "battle vest" both full of band patches, and I always get compliments when I wear them in public. Heck, I've had people want to take pictures of them, because they thought they were so cool. One guy even had his girlfriend pose for a picture with me (at a concert) because she was so impressed with my jacket. Us Metalheads are weird, but most of us are very approachable. I am never bothered by someone wanting to comment on my jacket, and if I have time, I'll even talk with them about the bands.
As a pipe smoker/cigar smoker, I've had people comment to me and I've made comments to other people. I'm never bothered by it. One time a lady approached me to ask me what I was smoking as the smell remaindered her of her grandfather's pipe aroma, and it gave her a moment of happiness thinking about her grandfather.
I've come across a few pipe smokers while working, and they were all kind and we've had a nice few minute conversation about pipes and tobaccos. One of them I became an acquaintance with, and we would have nice conversations about pipes and tobaccos on a regular basis.
I get some people don't like to be bothered, but not all of us. If you're one of the ones bothered by social people, just acknowledge their comment and move on. The person will get the hint you're not interested in a conversation. Not all of us can be social bugs.
I have a "battle jacket" and a "battle vest" both full of band patches, and I always get compliments when I wear them in public. Heck, I've had people want to take pictures of them, because they thought they were so cool. One guy even had his girlfriend pose for a picture with me (at a concert) because she was so impressed with my jacket. Us Metalheads are weird, but most of us are very approachable. I am never bothered by someone wanting to comment on my jacket, and if I have time, I'll even talk with them about the bands.
As a pipe smoker/cigar smoker, I've had people comment to me and I've made comments to other people. I'm never bothered by it. One time a lady approached me to ask me what I was smoking as the smell remaindered her of her grandfather's pipe aroma, and it gave her a moment of happiness thinking about her grandfather.
I've come across a few pipe smokers while working, and they were all kind and we've had a nice few minute conversation about pipes and tobaccos. One of them I became an acquaintance with, and we would have nice conversations about pipes and tobaccos on a regular basis.
I get some people don't like to be bothered, but not all of us. If you're one of the ones bothered by social people, just acknowledge their comment and move on. The person will get the hint you're not interested in a conversation. Not all of us can be social bugs.
I get some people don't like to be bothered, but not all of us. If you're one of the ones bothered by social people, just acknowledge their comment and move on. The person will get the hint you're not interested in a conversation. Not all of us can be social bugs.
This has not been my experience at all—at least 90% do not get the hint no matter how obvious you make it. And of the 10% that do get the hint, about 10% of them get mad at you and take it personally for not wanting to be social, 5% get their feelings hurt and cry about it, and another 5% try to convince you to be social anyway.
"I was just trying to be nice" is something I am sick of hearing. And again, I haven't been mean or an asshole to anyone that has approached me, except one time when I really wasn't in the mood and one just would not get the hint, so I was more direct and they still kept going so I got short with them and basically bit their head off. Was some stupid hippy chick. "I'm trying to have a conversation and I feel like you're stonewalling me". Yes, I am, because I told you politely three times to leave me alone and you keep on. I snapped at her enough she started literally crying.
I can honestly say that I've never had that experience. I guess we all can't be as lucky as you. LOL
Seriously, though, I get the frustration, but I guess I've never come across that kind of person. Lucky me I guess.
Although to be fair, I'm generally considered "unapproachable". I don't try to be, I just am. I have that kind of face and body language that naturally says "do not bother"—resting asshole face.
Not many people approach me to begin with, so anyone that does approach me is most likely someone that lacks social awareness and/or is desperate.
And the hippy woman I had to be mean to, I think was buzzed on a light bump of weak cocaine at the time, or high on nitrous or something, whatever those raver kids were doing.
“I was like a turd that drew flies instead of like a flower that butterflies and bees desired.”
– Charles Bukowski
Not many people approach me to begin with, so anyone that does approach me is most likely someone that lacks social awareness and/or is desperate.
And the hippy woman I had to be mean to, I think was buzzed on a light bump of weak cocaine at the time, or high on nitrous or something, whatever those raver kids were doing.
“I was like a turd that drew flies instead of like a flower that butterflies and bees desired.”
– Charles Bukowski
G
Gimlet
Guest
I'm quite baffled why so many find social interaction so difficult. Most of the time I'm tolerant with anyone who's just trying to be friendly, even if I'd really rather at that moment in time that they didn't, and I'll have the conversation as courteously as I can and accept that solitude will have to be postponed for the time being. But TBH I'd have got pissed off with the above.
She sounds like the sort of person who if she'd seen me relaxing with my pipe next to my motorcycle would have wanted to proselytise me with a lecture on climate change. She'd have been left crying on that occasion as well.